Week 7- July 21st

Well this last week was crazy. We had TRC on Saturday and our teacher brought in members of her family dressed in non missionary clothes and they have these rooms set up here in the mtc that look like normal living rooms. There is even a doorbell sound and we greet our "investigators" at the door and teach a lesson in Portuguese. It was very intense, and I didn't feel prepared at all but I doubt many missionaries do, even those who have spoken Portuguese since they were born. Elder Bavender and I went in, taught an okay lesson, but I was frustrated after because it didn't go as well as I would have hoped. Irma Neves brother, who was my mock investigator could speak in English and at the end he said "don't give up!" I went and had a little private moment in prayer after and then all I wanted to do was study study study.

Sunday, I kept feeling it! It was driving me crazy because I was doing all I knew how to do to feel good, but I still felt very discouraged. Monday morning I woke up and as the day got going I continued to have the same feelings in my heart. There would be temporary rests when I would feel the Spirit strongly, but then I would feel the frustrations again. In class, I normally would feel very confident with all of the things we were doing, but for the first two hours of class Monday I felt slow. I don't know how else to describe it, but it was as though I was missing some part of the formula in order to succeed.

My teacher wanted to talk to me, and I believe it was a tender mercy of our Father in Heaven prompting her to do this and she took me into the hall and gave me such a wonderful compliment. I got emotional with her for a moment, because she told me how well I was doing in exactly what I felt I wasn't doing well in. When I walked back into the class room, my mind was totally different. I could once again grasp and apply all that we were doing. From this experience I learned several things. The first is how wonderful a compliment can be. Irma Neves served a mission, has worked with hundreds of missionaries, and speaks fluent Portuguese and English. The weight of a compliment coming from her, a woman with experience in the things she was saying, meant so much to me. It lifted me more than I could atequately describe, and our conversation lasted about 5 minutes. Those 5 minutes made all of the difference to me as I was silently suffering for a few days.

The second thing I learned was how much the Lord is aware of me. It doesn't matter if the scriptures say it, or our Prophet, we must feel it. Feel how much the Lord really does care when my heart aches, or when I feel discouraged. He really does, and He ran to succor me on Monday. Not only that, my ability to learn and grow is because of divine intervention. I know this. I feel this. The contrast before and after the comment was so stark. It was not just coincidence. I am a firm believer in President Uchtdorfs talk about how we are the hands of the Lord. Any gentle touch, word, or gesture we make can be the touch, word or gesture the Lord would give if He were among us now.

The gospel is real. My faith is small, my patience short, and any other Christlike attribute needs so much work, but I feel these things are true. I want all to receive the truth I know. I dont do this just for fun. I dont do this out of habit. It's true because everday I feel the Lord's hand in my life, and we all will if we are looking for it. It is time to remove doubts from our mind. This is all so real. I go prosyleting again this Friday aroudn the same time. Pray for me! I love you all so much. Love you all. Love, Spencer